Keeping Evil Out Of Our Homes

I thought my kids were safe. I was wrong.

I walked into my 13- year-old daughter’s room to find her in her ‘fort’. She told me she was reading, but I saw a computer hidden. We have a very strict no computers in the bedroom rule. I looked at the computer, looked at her and a fear was in her eyes that I had never seen before. We both lunged for the computer, I grabbed it first and we then had a 3-minute wrestling match for the device. Something had come over my daughter, there was a raw reckless uncontrollable energy that would not let me have the device. She would not let up, no punishment, no consequence no threat was going to stop her from getting that computer back from me. I finally used all of my strength to pry her from me, shove her out of the room, and lock the door so I could open the computer. She banged on the door pleading “Mama don’t open it! Mama don’t open it! Mama don’t!” I did not want to open it, but I stood there in horror as I saw what was on the screen. Pornography. Animated pornography.

2022 was one of the worst years of my life, and honestly, finding the pornography, while horrified, was a relief. My daughter had become a different person, always arguing, always angry, and I was so grateful that it wasn’t her, it was Satan.

I was floored though, how could this happen? We had installed every single filter possible. She was only allowed access at home while sitting at the kitchen table. She had a Gabb phone that you physically can’t access the internet from. She found a way, and she learned how to do it at school, on her school computer. Sick to my stomach we found secret accounts and went through her history, she had been exposed to pornography through the school computer and accessing smutty books through the school library app. She had been looking at smut during her study hall and reading the filth at our kitchen table, telling us she was ‘doing homework’. It had been going on for 5 months.

Five months, she carried this evil spirit with her for 5 months. During those months, every night I’d ask her before she went to bed, “Is there anything happening you want to tell me about? You know there is nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you” I could sense it, but I was complacent.

After my initial shock had worn off, I was able to console her. She was relieved. We let her know she’s still a good person, and that this is not her fault. This was the fault of evil men and women who target children.

That was a year ago. She is now a happy delightful teenager. I enjoy having her around. Genuinely unrecognizable from the kid she was before. I want others to learn from my mistakes.

1. Never say “That won’t be my child.” Assume that no matter what you do, how on top of it you are, you’re going to slip up, miss something, and they’ll be exposed.

Do not be complacent.

2. Give them freedom.

After discovering the pornography we did the least intuitive thing- we got her an iPhone. At the time she had a Gabb phone. No way to access the internet. Also, it was impossible to listen to music on it or audiobooks. We realized we needed to not just protect her from evil, but teach her tools and skills on how to fight it. We’ve enabled every parental control on the phone, she doesn’t have access to the internet. In addition, we added Qustodio , we control what kind of content she has access to, permitting her to listen to music, audiobooks, and text-approved contacts without being exposed to predators or social media.

She wasn’t allowed to watch shows like The Umbrella Academy or Stranger Things due to the vulgarity and sex. Part of me wondered if she sought out online entertainment because she had little access to that entertainment at home. We subscribed to a service called VidAngel, which allows her to watch those shows but we set the filters, so she can watch them without the smut, and isn’t seeking out entertainment online because she already has access to all she wants, cleaned up.

I love this service so much.

3. My Device, My Rules

Whenever my daughter tries to parrot something her peer says at school about access to her phone, my answer is clear. “It’s not your phone, it’s my phone that I let you use. I paid for the phone, I pay the monthly fees to use the phone.”

4. Check everything - often

   I read my daughter’s text messages. She knows I read her text messages. She knows we audit her computer and her phone even with the alerts and filters in place. She is grateful, not resentful. I have a friend whose daughter had a coach grooming her via text. This teen was afraid to say anything to her parents because she feared that the coach would tell other students private information that she had shared. It had gone on for a year before her mother found out the coach is currently under investigation.

Let your children know it’s not that you don’t trust them- it’s that you don’t trust other people. Share the very real stories of teens committing suicide because an adult tricked them into doing something.

5. Zero social media

   None. Nothing- again, my device, my internet my rules. When my daughter was 10 we showed her the Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma. She got it. She has never asked for access to any social network.

I’m not perfect, and I certainly don’t have all the answers- what advice, tools, rules, or experiences have you found to help keep evil out of your home?